Church Chuckles

Wise Solomon said, There is “A time to weep, and a time to laugh” (Eccl. 3:4). Also “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine” (Prov. 17:22). This is one of those times… As the offering plate was passed a boy quickly jerked off his tie and put it into the plate. His mother quickly pulled it out asking, “What are you doing?” He replied, “The pastor said to give your ties and offering” (smile). After church a small boy asked, “What is the highest you have counted?” The mother said, “I don’t know. What is the highest you’ve counted?” The boy said, “7,982.” She asked, “Why did you stop?” He said, “That’s when the pastor stopped preaching.” In the old days the church had head knockers who hit heads of people who dozed. During a long sermon, a head knocker hit a sleeper a little too hard. As he lay in the pew he said, “Hit me again I can still hear him” (chuckle). Once a boy swallowed a quarter. Everyone tried to help. Finally a deacon said, “Take him to the pastor. He can get money out of anyone.” Nursery sign: “We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed.” Another nursery sign:“The Bawl Room.” Sign on pastor’s desk, “It’s too late to agree with me. I’ve already changed my mind.” Another sign: “Be patient. None of us am perfect.” At a church gym a member said, “If I could only lose 25 more pounds, I would be at the weight I never thought I would be up to.” Another dieter said, “My doctor told me dieting would add years to my life. He was right. I now feel ten years older.” Then there is the pasta diet. “Pass the pie, and pass the ice cream.” A newly wed called her pastor, “We had our first argument – It was awful.” He smiled and said, “All couples have arguments.” She then asked, “But what do I do with the body?” Once the pastor and deacons all got into a Honda. It was the first time they had all been in one Accord (Chuckle). A good ole boy was walking with only one shoe. A driver stopped and asked, “Did you lose a shoe.” He yelled, “Nope I fount one.” The deacon asked another good ole boy, “How do you know you are saved?” Reply, “He did His part and I did mine.” What happened? “I did the sinning and He did the saving.” How? “I ran and He caught me!” A teacher asked the class, “If I join the church can I go to Heaven?” Then, “If I am baptized can I go to Heaven?” Finally, “How can I go to Heaven?” A small boy raised his hand and said, “You’ve gotta die.” Mark Twain said, “A smile is understood in all languages.” So if you see someone without a smile give them yours. In closing as the small boy said, “You gotta die.” Dear friend, If you die without Christ it would have been better if you had never been born, and that is no laughing matter (Mark 14:21). Don’t die without Christ. No God – No Peace … Know God – Know Peace.

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